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Saturday, March 15, 2014

Long, hard, night

It is 12:46 AM my time and I can't sleep.  My joints are hurting like crazy, probably because of weather systems but who knows really?
I'm frustrated, and I want to share that before the sleeping medicine I begrudgingly took, finally, kicks in and I can fight my way to sleep.
I was diagnosed in 2008, that's 6 years of treatment with each passing year worse than the one before it. This year I finally pushed to begin a biologic and have been blessed with the results that golfer promised me, to a large degree.  However, 2 weeks after a corticosteroid injection at the doctor (kenalog) I still find myself having gotten 0 sleep this week thanks to pain.  I'm tired of the Xanax, the Ambien, the Tizanidine, and all the other "sleep aids" that put me to sleep most of the time but cannot keep me asleep through the pain. 
I become irritable, and impossible to live with, I am sure.  And even with the huge leap of progress Enbrel gave me, I still find myself miserable most of the time and dosing out prednisone on days I know I need to power through. 
It's a defeatist kind of night for me, but I know that there will be better ones. 

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