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Autoimmune diseases bring a whole different set of problems. There's no reason to try and deal alone. Why not be in it together?
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Sunday, July 3, 2016

Pretty Girls Have All the Luck

My Heaven- Ulta.
I love nail polish.
I mean, I LOVE nail polish.
When I have a bad day I have to fight the urge to go buy new nail polish.  One day, I actually bought some on my lunch break just to calm down and not punch someone in the face.  (It was Essie's 'Ballet Slippers', and it appealed to me on several levels.)  I will admit, I do this with more than just nail polish- make up too.  I'm addicted to eye shadow palettes.  And lip stick.  And lip gloss.  And those last two are totally different things.  Also, every one of my nail polishes is a different color, no matter what my husband says.
The hard part is, I can't paint my nails very easily any more.   In college I would paint them a new color every night.  I'm not even kidding, every freaking night.  It was a running joke in the sorority about what color Kathleen's nails would be that day.  Instead of a real status on Facebook I would just put up what color I was wearing.  It was a great way to relax; it was a time during the day where I couldn't write a paper, or draw a poster, or paint a rock with puffy paint (did I mention I was in a sorority?  There are a lot of posters and puffy paint in a sorority.)  It gave me a time where I had to relax and be alone with my thoughts, a time when I couldn't multi-task.
Now, however, painting my nails is more of an ordeal than it is a spa experience.  I have a tremor, and between the difficulty of grasping the brush and the shaking of my hand, my hands end up looking more like a hot, hot mess combining Picasso and Kesha.  And toes- forget that.To bend and twist around to try and reach them is too painful to happen more than once a month. (Thank God polish seems to last longer on toenails.)
It's very hard to let go of something I have loved so much for so long, that has been essentially a part of me for over a decade.
Same goes for the make up I love buying.  I used to adore getting dolled up, learning new ways to put on eye shadow, finding fun and funky combinations of colors.  Wearing drastically different lipstick from  day to day can completely change who you are, in my opinion.  But, when I wake up to get ready for work, fingers swollen, knees and hips stiff, it is awfully hard to find the energy or the conviction to do anything more than mascara and concealer.
How frustrating it is, to lose those little things.  And the loss of feeling like wearing makeup is doubly painful after a bad night's sleep when I look that much worse, or some stomach bug I picked up and now I'm covered in burst blood vessels from yakking.  (Yep. That happens a lot to me.  People think I have some sort of transient freckle condition or something.)

What do you guys think?  Do you have this same experience with something?  I know most people don't understand why I don't "just get up earlier and put makeup on then?"  OHMYGOD, how did I not think of that before this moment??? (I'm so glad those people exist to help me think of these things. ) But hey, maybe there's something magical that I'm missing- advice from anybody?


  1. This is so true in my life!! The pain when I wake up makes it harder to get out of bed so make up is at a minimum. If it's a rainy day I can't grip my brushes. I have stress induced vomiting, so I get the burst blood vessels. I have had people ask what's wrong with my face. My pedicure is starting to chip and I am really dreading, trying to paint my toes. It raining here today, and will be a painful experience... Fuck you Arthritis!!!!!

    1. So one thing that helps me is keeping the apartment cool and then sleeping with a heat blanket on low helps to keep my joints slightly more loose and makes the morning a little easier.

  2. I just wanted to say that you have a lovely blog. I have osteoarthritis and it is wonderful that I found a blog by someone who knows arthritis. Warm greetings from Montreal, Canada.

    1. Thank you so much, Linda! I'm glad you find something helpful in my blog! Feel free to share contributions to the email at the top of the page, I would love to feature you!